Monday, May 7, 2012

Confidence and Questions

It has been a very busy spring.  It surprises me because our really busy sports season is over, but with that there are banquets!  Taya also was confirmed this weekend.  It was good to have friends and family join us to celebrate.  Taya's Godmother I have mentioned before.  In the course of life, we had lost touch for a while.  Then, in an unfortunate twist, her little girl was diagnosed with T1 last summer.  I feel fortunate to be back in touch with her again- I just wish the renewed connection wasn't because of diabetes!  It is really a strange little circle, full of odd connections that 14 years ago we could never have expected or predicted.  I know that my friend worries constantly, we all do. But watching her little girl this weekend, it is very clear she is doing amazing!  She has not even been diagnosed for a year and is barely 5 years old and she gave her own shot!  To have that confidence has to come from the incredible care she is getting from her family!  She is a Rockstar and so is her mommy!!!
TJ and Addison- taking a break from the trampoline to check blood sugar! 

Between the Confirmation, spending time with family and friends, and the school year ending soon, I have become very reflective in my thinking.  Our oldest, Tylie, will be a senior next year.  She wants to go to school in California.  Wow- that is far away!  It has now occurred to us we will face new challenges as a parent of a child with Diabetes.  What kind of medical care will she get when she is not with me?  Will she remember to check her blood sugar?  Who will be there in the middle of the night?  The list of questions goes on and on until I literally can't breathe with panic.  I remember dropping each of them off at preschool for the first time with the T1 diagnosis and thinking it was the longest 4 hours of my life until I could see them again and be reassured they were fine.  How in the world will we survive dropping one off at college?  To try and relieve some of that feeling, we have decided to take a family trip to California.  We will be driving cross country-yikes!  It should be an interesting experience!  We will be visiting family, seeing the ocean (TJ's first time!), going to Disneyland and touring the college of Tylie's choice.  Yes, my lists are already growing and I will do my best to keep you updated on this particular adventure as I am sure it will be one!!!

Back to my reflection-  Our educator always tells me she can tell when kids will do well.  She noted, ALL kids will have good and bad days.  Sometimes these days last weeks or months but she says can tell when a kid will be able to overcome these tough times.  When I took the picture of  TJ and Addison, that was my thought- These kids will be okay!  At least I hope that as parents we have and will continue to instill and support them so that they can be confident, resilient and strong enough to overcome the bad days.   In regards to the older kids though, I came to the realization that it is going to be scary- it has been scary for the past 12 years so I am not sure why I ever thought it would change as they got older!  I think sometimes with the older two, I get lulled into a state of "comfort".  They don't tell me everything about their daily care.  I usually know if they have been consistently too high or too low, but for the most part, they are very independent.  It is really a tight rope to walk between being too invasive and smothering them and being too complacent that they "forget" the importance of that annoying little finger poke!  Over all, our kids have set some high goals for themselves.  I know that they see diabetes as an annoyance, as a thing they would like to go away.  However, I don't think they see diabetes as a handicap.  Failure in their goals does not seem to occur to them.  Another tight rope- to explain to them how much I want to see them succeed and at the same time to urge some caution because there are things they need to consider that other children their age do not.  And, what I wouldn't give to not have those things be an issue!  Oh, to have all the answers!  For now, I will settle for uploading their pumps tonight so I can see how they are doing and either be reassured or not...

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